he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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