You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
