i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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