we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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