theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
