HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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