We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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