Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
