nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
