When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
