she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
