There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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