Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize