I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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