So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
