Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
