I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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