I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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