weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just cut my nipple shaving
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
