my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
