mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
