Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
