You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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