I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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