Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
