Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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