my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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