What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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