i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
