I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
