you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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