I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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