All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
