Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's official drugs can't kill me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
