Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
