Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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