This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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