I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
