my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
