i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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