...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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