wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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