before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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