just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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