You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize