dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize