You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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