I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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