so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
