We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
