i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
