she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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