My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
