I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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