I'm going to rape someone's good day.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
