I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
