Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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