Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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