I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
