the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
