Having a random hookup so left but love u
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize