He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
