How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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