I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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