does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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