Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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