I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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