ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
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