Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize