Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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