you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
