im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
