She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
