Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
