I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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