just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
