Will you blow on my dice?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
