are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize