Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
