I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
