The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize