I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love you. Go after that dick
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
