I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize