Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
