i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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