my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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