did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
