No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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