What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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