i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize