So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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