maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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