U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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