I am spending my child support on dildos
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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