Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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