11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
