this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
