It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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