dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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