I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
