her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
