i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it glows. i had to have it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
