walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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