so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
