Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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