Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize