I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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