quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
