HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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